~The Head of the Matter or Part 3~

 

 

 

 

 

 

WARNING: NOT DRAMA FREE!

 

 

This is where things come to a "Head" 

 

After reading my previous 2 entries you know I went out with Mr A, who had a 4 yr old daughter last winter.  Stopped seeing him mainly because he had an obvious drinking problem.  Sue, along with other people in the Park are not only acting like I don't exist, but like I had a contagious disease.

 

 

 

 

One day shortly after noon I walked down to the front of the Park to visit Sue at her place during her lunch break from her office duties.  Still thinking that her moodiness is attributed to a little depression or family problems, I am trying to be a concerned, yet an upbeat friend.  After a few minutes she pushed herself up in her chair and away from me and said, "Bethe, I need to ask you something". 

"Sure, anything"

"Did you report A to the Department of Child  Family Services?"

"Of course not",  I said & asked why.

 

She then went onto tell me that she felt like she could tell me about it now because A was moving out of the Park and it was all my fault.  Apparently, someone reported him to DCF and S said that she was angry because they should up on her doorstep one day asking her questions about his drinking.  She then went on to say that I had told her that I was going to report him.  Which was entirely not true, because I never had a thought of doing that.  Besides I know that the drinking alone isn't a reason to deny visitation.

 

I had talked with S during one of our shopping trips that I was surprised that the school the 4 1/2 yr old goes to doesn't question why the child is still in diapers.  I even asked him one day if Miss H ever resisted the idea of diapers.  He said "No" & that he couldn't do anything about it because he didn't have any cooperation on the mother's side.  I had been witness to her asking to go to the restroom when the 3 of us were out one day and A told her to "go pee" in her diaper.

 

 

Now I have had all the Child abuse and Neglect courses that nurses and Dr's have to take.  There wasn't really anything to report.  And having four years of Child Psych in college, I know that as soon as Miss H's classmate's call her attention to the fact she is wearing diapers she will potty train herself.  Peer pressure. 

 

When I told S "no". She balked at me and said that everyone in the Park knows I did.  So here is someone whom I considered a very good friend not believing me.  She told me not to bother talking to Mr A about it because he wouldn't believe me.  Knowing enough about him, he does blame everyone around him for his misery.  Workman's comp for taking pictures and video, work for setting him up to carry heavy things so WC could video him, his Ex wife, his Dr's, the "Snoop Sister's" & "HillBilly Bobby" who razzed him about going out with me.  He felt in February that people in the Park  watched him. 

So why not blame me for his misery, too??

 

 

 

That night I thought about it.  It occurred to me that Mr A was questioned by DCF.  He then talked with  Glenda (a drinking buddy), and Glenda told S.  And S believed it because it sounded like something I had told her.  Well, it did because it came from Mr A's mouth.

 

Needless to say my innards were in a twist I was so upset about this fallacy.  Upset that this effected my friendship with S.  The next day I went down and talked with her and told her how upset I was. When I wen to sit down she reached over and closed her laptop.  She knows I keep a journal and I think she was trying to find it online.  I read my entries from back in January and February and never did I mention anything about reporting the man to DCF.  She seemed cold and despite my protests to the accusations my word's rolled off her like rain off a duck.

 

I did see Mr A driving by a few times, moving his things I suppose.  I heard later that he had sold his small trailer.  He waved to me during one of his passes.

 

The following weekend I talked with my son about all this. And even considered moving myself because of the tension.  I couldn't eat or drink, I couldn't;t sleep.  While Marc & I were talking he said to me that men handle things differently than women.  What he would do is go to the source & ask why they were talking smack about him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A few weeks went by before I happened to see Mr A here at the Park visiting.  I called out to him.  He kept walking as if he hadn't heard me.  I caught up to him as he wen to pull out of the parking lot.  I said few words.  Only that it wasn't me and that it was someone else in his life & that I wanted him to be aware of that for the future.   I never wished any thing bad to happen to the man. 

 

The next day I saw Glenda cleaning her car as I was walking Jazzy.  She was the one who I particularly channeled bad thoughts.  I hated to approach her in the worst way.  She is a rather "tough little cookie" and if anyone could rip my face off it would be her.  And I am just not the sort to confront.  I did though, I walked over to her SUV & asked if I could talk with her, then asked if there was something bothering her.  She said yes, and that she was really "pissed off" at me.  I told her that I had sensed that, but had been clueless as to why.  She talked, I listened.  I told her that S had told me that A thought I reported him to DCF  and that I had talked with Mr A & told him it wasn't me.  She & I actually had a good talk, her body language relaxed,  and after 15-20 minutes she actually said she was going to talk with A.   I asked her if "we were good" and she said, "yes".   I left feeling a whole lot better about that.

 

 

 

 

 

Things are still strained between S and I.  I don't go down to the office except to collect my mail or pay the rent.  She is polite and cool.

 

Bill came over last weekend to help move the deck along with Glenda's roommate and a couple of guys from across the street. Bill said that she is still depressed and doesn't feel like being around anyone.  Just to give her time.

 

Last winter when HillBilly Bobby was on my ass about this & that & everything, S had just asked me to "be good" because it ultimately came back on her.  He would go to her & tell her "You've got to talk with Bethe!".   I understood.  For months, maybe up to 18 months, there were 2 places I would be.  Home in my little place or with S.  I do have a problem with trusting her now.  How can I talk to a "best friend" knowing down the line she may twist my words & turn things against me?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So there's the "Head" of the problem  The blemish on my reputation.   I am doing OK.  Taking the bus instead of shopping with S.  And in this heat it really takes it's toll.  I've lost nearly 15 lbs between the heat & the stress.  Yes, I am one of those people who can't eat when stressed out. 

 

Now that I am feeling better about things, and it's taken a good month. So no worries there.   I will probably start journaling again. I know a few of you noticed that I changed the names of the people.  I just thought it would be a good idea since S has probably found this journal by now. 

 

So that is that.  Thank you for reading all this.  I guess I needed to get this writtenbefore I could go on.

 

 

 

 

Thank you for the graphics Winivere!

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